About Last Week...

Bags o' Biden

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It’s quite possible the earth quaked a bit last week, and not just in California.

Just to be clear:  Joe Biden, if he is on the ballot, will win California in November.  The name next to the “D” doesn’t seem to matter there – Imperial Galactic Tyrant Gorlak the Murderous would win on a platform of eating/enslaving all of humanity with that “D” behind him (did I mention Gorlak is non-binary?  Total slam dunk.)

The same holds true nationally for people who would rather drive finishing nails into their own eyes  than vote for Trump – and that’s about 4 in 10 of your neighbors.

But something seems to have actually changed  after the Special Counsel Robert Hur – an employee of Biden’s – salted the political earth with his “juries don’t convict the old and feeble so there’s no point in charging him but he really did break the law and oh by the way he’s mental” report.

The report came out and much of the media tried to defend against, downplay, the following, rather important, aspect:

“In his interview with our office, Mr. Biden’s memory was worse. He did not remember when he was vice president, forgetting on the first day of the interview when his term ended (‘if it was 2013 – when did I stop being Vice President?’), and forgetting on the second day of the interview when his term began (‘in 2009, am I still Vice President?’),” Hur wrote. “He did not remember, even within several years, when his son Beau died.  And his memory appeared hazy when describing the Afghanistan debate that was once so important to him.”  

In short, the man with his finger on the button is not there enough to testify in court.

Just a reminder how the past few years have gone: 

Joe at the 2016 Democratic convention:

Joe declaring victory in 2020:

Joe in 2022:

Joe now:

For the nation, that is terrifying.  For the Biden team, it matters as well but only from a political appearances standpoint and they most likely would have preferred Biden be charged with a crime – that they have already figured out to defend against - rather than be publicly outed as non compos mentis.

So Joe decided to chat with the press in order to quash any rumors he is a basket case.  It did not go well and could only have been allowed to happen for one of two reasons:  First, no one could find the emergency shackles and Thorazine typically used to keep Joe out of the public eye; the Easter Bunny Gambit was considered but simply does not work in February and would look really weird at a press conference .

Or second – some folks inside the White House have realized he is electoral, not just mental, toast and let him go out there and make a fool of himself in order to have an excuse to dump him at the convention and nominate someone plausible to beat Donald Trump.

This whole affair puts anyone or anything that ever said ol’ Joe is fine just fine in a very awkward position.  A few Democrats have said VERY ANONYMOUSLY - because they are political chickens who do not care about the safety and welfare of the nation – that this is bad.  Like, bad, bad.

The media is one of those things in an awkward position.  It has steadfastly assured the nation that Joe is hale and hearty and at the top of his game.  That becomes more difficult now. Prior to the press conference, some outlets like the AP were just glancingly mentioning the issue (paragraph 30 to 33 in a 40 graf story was their first effort.)

But after the presser, many actually mentioned it, while, if course, many stayed in full “your lyin’ eyes” mode.  That may not work, in part because the public has been told not to believe their lyin’ eyes way too often during the pandemic response and because we are now at Simpson’s Chief Wiggum levels of just plain insanity when it comes to the plausibility of public pronouncements:

So they tried “he was thinking about Hamas and cannot do two separate things a day,” they tried “Hur is a MAGA plant,” but no, no, no stamp feet, they called in Kamala (that’s how bad it is.)

Yup – Kamala Harris pointedly reminded everyone she used to be a prosecutor like Hur and she - of the grossly deceptive allot titling of California’s disastrous Proposition 47 “The Safe Neighborhood and Schools Act” fame -  would never ever issue a report like that.

Hur’s report, said Harris, is “wrong” and “politically motivated,” and that “as a former prosecutor” the inclusion of the man bits was “gratuitous, inaccurate, and inappropriate.”

First off, Kamala, the truth hurts.  While it’s never pleasant to take the car keys away from your doddering dad, Joe needs to be the subject of an intervention to save himself and the nation.

Second, do note that Kamala, who technically is a lawyer, did not use words like “unethical” or “improper” or “illegal” because those words, in the legal world, can be actionable and if you really think someone is acting unethically (admittedly, amongst a slither of lawyers it’s hard to tell) you pretty much have to tell the local bar which can then pull the miscreant’s law license.

The difference speaks volumes – the White House knows they can’t say those words because the report was not improper or unethical or illegal.

What the Biden team needs – if it actually wants to help – to focus on is his genuinely funny and whip smart line from the press conference.  The line is good and is very unexpected coming from someone who seems to forget not to shake hands with invisible people.

It is a line that could easily (and rightly) used to refute at least some of what the report maintains.

Biden called on Fox News’ Peter Doocy, Doocy asked a questions about his memory, and Biden joked “My memory is so bad I let you speak.”

That is legitimately a good line but, putting on my PR hat, it should be circulated in written form because it is true that while it sounded great  it didn’t look great.   

Note how the reporters didn’t even laugh – rather odd considering the non-humor they have chuckled along with the president about before.

As to the obese elephant in the room – that of getting him to quit now - Biden’s wife Dr. Jill is the stumbling block. 

Remember:  this is a person who wrote a nearly illiterate thesis to get a degree in education – the ultimate academic doorstop – and now demands to be called “doctor.”  You think she’s not really into being First Lady?

The press calls her a “fierce protector” of Joe for her steadfast refusal to even countenance a problem; the rest of the world calls her a criminal elder abuser.

There are times when you wish someone losing it was just a drunk or an addict – that could be fixed, the old Churchill “My dear you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly” witticism comes to mind.

Joe’s the ugly woman in this case as Joe’s half in the bag naturally.

Speaking of bags, the California legislature is now considering a pair of bills that would outlaw them.

Thought that was already done?  Yes-ish, but definitely not completely, especially nationally and California yet again wants to set the crazy tone going forward so get ready.